Isabella Rossellini’s Green Porno: Sex With Paper and Puppets

It’s like you walked into the Paper Source store on Walnut Street, purchased every fine sheet of paper on display, whipped out your hot glue gun and scissors, and turned it all into animals with giant penises and vaginas.

That pretty much summarizes the mesmerizing Sundance Channel series Green Porno, created by actress and director Isabella Rossellini. The short films, all starting Ms. Rossellini herself, describe the sexual and mating habits of animals using nothing but paper, puppets, and some really outlandish costumes. Of course, she includes all the gruesome details that often times come with animal reproduction. Need an example? See below:

The series isn’t new: Ms. Rossellini first started producing the extremely addictive films nearly six years ago, and she even took the show on the road on an international tour. However, Sundance recently released the entire series online via YouTube. In addition to Green Porno, Rossellini has a whole other roster of paper reproductive organs in her arsenal and released two spin-offs of the series: Seduce Me, which discusses how animals attract each other in the wild, and Mammas, which shows how animal mothers mate and treat their young. Surprisingly, you actually might learn something in-between giggling at the absurd little films. For instance, now I know why, as a kid, our pet hamster tried to eat her kids after a few days:

There’s also some really interesting commentary on sexuality in the films. I especially adore this one on the impossibility of procreation on Noah’s Ark with only male and female species:

You can head over to the Sundance Channel’s YouTube page to check out the entire series. Be warned: You’ll be watching these for hours and hours, and, after you do, Sundance challenges you to take the “Name That Schlong” quiz to see if you can properly match a paper penis with what animal species it belongs to. You can also find out what your Green Porno-star name is by taking this quiz (I’m Red Cracker…).

Postscript: just incase you wondered: yes, dolphins have gay sex and blowhole sex. Don’t believe me? See below: