4 Ways to Raise a More Independent Child

Encouraging your child’s independence is essential for their development, but as Philly-area parents know, it can be tricky to balance your child’s autonomy with your will to protect and nurture them. To create that delicate balance, Sarah Sweeney-Denham, an early childhood education expert at Greene Towne Montessori School in Philadelphia, recommends instilling independence in your children as early as their infancy—and that independence can evolve and grow as the child gets older.

“Research shows that the ages from birth to six are the most critical time for brain development. That’s when children are forming their basic senses of self, senses of the world and attitudes towards learning,” says Sweeney-Denham, who serves as Greene Towne’s Head of School. 

Sweeney-Denham and her peers empower children’s independence in the classroom, but their work expands beyond the campus. Greene Towne’s educators know that raising independent children takes a village, and they work to connect parents and caregivers with resources and education—so that at home, families can build on the values their children learn in school.

“In supporting a child’s independence, it’s key to make sure that everyone is on the same page,” explains Olivia Powers, a lead teacher at Greene Towne. 

That holistic approach helps young students learn to engage with the real world, think creatively and emotionally, and bond with their peers—all important parts of a Montessori education and of an independent life. We talked to Sweeney-Denham and Powers about how to welcome these educational strategies into your home. Here are some key takeaways.

Encourage freedom (within limits)

“Children are born explorers who really want to know how things work,” says Sweeney-Denham. But, in trying to keep our kids safe, it can be necessary to place boundaries on this exploration—which is why a freedom-within-limits model works to embrace a child’s curiosity while ensuring they’re in a safe environment.

To make an environment safe, Powers recommends adults curate and prepare the space ahead of time, so that when a child comes in, they can access and explore the full breadth of the area. In your home, that might look like child-proofing a room so that your child can interact with every part of that contained environment, rather than placing them in a smaller play-pen within a non-child-proofed room. 

It’s a technique Powers shares with parents and caregivers during the Montessori & Me classes she leads, where toddlers freely explore their classroom.

“In the toddler classrooms, we allow them to explore their freedom of movement. We create a safe environment, and then when they try to crawl or roll over, we don’t have to intervene,” explains Powers.

That exploration applies to objects, too—toddlers have the chance to engage with toys they select. This is different from a toddler being handed a toy chosen by an adult, or activated by an adult, because by exerting control over the toy’s mechanics, the child notices that they can change and impact their environment, which helps lay the foundation for independence.

Help your child connect with the real world

Being a part of real-world activities, even those as simple as grocery shopping, can be meaningful for helping children see themselves as capable people, who can be trusted with responsibilities. Not only does this help bolster a sense of confidence, but it helps your child practice social skills that will be continuously useful as they grow up.

But that real-world involvement doesn’t have to be exclusive to their home life. According to Sweeney-Denham, children benefit from the emotional, social, and practical aspects of real-world experience so much so that it warrants a place in their academic education. That’s why, at Greene Towne, educators implement a holistic approach.

“For all ages, our approach really integrates academic, social and emotional learning,” says Sweeney-Denham. “From the very beginning, children in our toddler classrooms learn what it means to be a good friend, what it means to show respect and expect respect, and how to ask questions.”

In lower elementary grades, students at Greene Towne engage not only with each other, but with the greater Philadelphia community. Via trips to Reading Terminal Market, libraries and more, students can gain a sense of confidence using skills like math, and a sense of independence as they interact with the real world and develop relationships with each other.

The emotional literacy and social confidence children develop through these real-world connections are essential to their feeling like they matter as part of a community, according to Powers.

Make your child an active member of your family

When children aren’t given the language to express their feelings or the tools to explore independent tasks, they might become dependent on others, which can negatively affect their sense of confidence and independence. At home, families can avoid this pitfall by equipping their children with the tools they need to feel like they matter as a piece of the family unit, rather than a strictly dependent being.

So how can you create that dynamic in your home? According to Powers, it begins by taking steps to see the world through your child’s eyes, and making that world accessible.

“It sounds silly, but sometimes, coming down to your knees so you can see your home through the lens of your child’s height, and understand what they’re capable of from that height, can be a great way of implementing certain things that we do in the classroom into the home environment,” explains Powers. 

For example, installing a coat hook that your child can reach encourages a sense of independence when they can take their own coat off when coming home, as does having a small shoe rack that the child can use to take on and off their own shoes. With those additions, Powers adds, the child is now an active participant in and member of their family community, as opposed to exclusively needing to be served. 

Educate yourself

For more intricate tips on how to instill emotional intelligence in your children, and how to raise them with the social and mental tools they need to navigate their world, consistently educating yourself as a caregiver is instrumental—and, in Philly, opportunities are readily available.

Greene Towne hosts a parent education series for adults in the Philly community, featuring workshops and panels on subjects like friendships, the bridge between school and home, and sensitive periods in a child’s life. Attending these events not only grants you an insight into your child’s development, but also introduces you to parents in the area and experts at the school—so that you can grow trusting relationships with the other adults in your child’s life. 

Other upcoming events at Greene Towne include an open house, which provides a deeper look into the value of Montessori education, regular playgroup classes, and more. Each of these opportunities enables you to connect with your child, their education, and the resources they’ll engage with—and they’ll ensure your child is equipped with independence.

Greene Towne Montessori School is currently accepting applications. For more information, contact them here.

This is a paid partnership between Greene Towne Montessori School and Philadelphia Magazine