#NoBraDay: 20 Thoughts I Have When I Don’t Wear a Bra

So today, apparently, is #NoBraDay, a day in which women doff the boulder-holders to ostensibly raise awareness for breast cancer, although it seems men are the ones really pushing for this. So it’s all a bit creepy.

In any case, every day is a #NoBraDay for me, as I stopped wearing the traditional shoulder-strap-underwire-cup about a year ago. As I wrote here, I ditched these types of bras for bandeaus because I got tired of straps snaking down my arms. For those of you who will inevitably recommend a bra fitting, I’ve tried this. I’ve also tried racerback straps and hated them. The only thing that saves my sanity and (somewhat) keeps the girls in a semi-upright position is a boob turban and I shall never go back! But lately I’ve been wondering if all my bandeau-ing is causing damage. Or, worse, saggage.

Here, in no particular order, are the things I think about when I don’t wear a real bra. (Male coworkers/dad: Stop reading now, please.) 

1. I am so free! I will never force my boobs into wired cups again!
2. Man, this bandeau is tight.
3. But it’s keeping them in place! And there are no errant straps! Hoorah!
4. I think I have heartburn. This bra is giving me heartburn.
5. Horrible thought: My boobs are going to sag earlier than they should because I’m not giving them enough support.
6. OMG, ARE MY BOOBS SAGGY?
7. I think my nipples might be showing and I just talked to my (male) boss. Did he notice? No. Totally not. Although … hm.
8. Are visible nipples a bad thing? I mean, we all know we have them. Rachel from Friends showed hers all the time.
9. I swear that I can feel my boobs starting to droop.
10. My bandeau is starting to fall down. Is hiking up a strapless bra even more annoying than pushing up bra straps? No.
11. Maybe.
12. Scary thought: Is my tight bandeau crushing my heart and doing internal damage, which I won’t discover until later when my boobs have finally plummeted to my also-saggy knees?
13. Why did Kate Hudson ever get breast implants? Her boobs were so nice before.
14. Seriously. Heartburn.
15. Wait a minute. SPORTS. BRAS.
16. FANCY SPORTS BRAS.
17. Is Free People the new Victoria’s Secret for sports bras? Maybe this is a blog post.
18. I love that I can raise my arms and not feel encumbered by straps!
19. HA! Not wearing a bra doesn’t cause sagging! I knew it!
20. So then maybe I can stop wearing bandeaus entirely. Maybe I’ll just go without and with all the money I save on fancy sports bras, I’ll buy shoes!**No. See #7.