All the Rittenhouse Dowagers Pack Heat–Just Ask Jonathan Papelbon

Jonathan Papelbon endeared himself to virtually 100 percent of the city’s residents when the former Red Sox was interviewed by Sports Illustrated last spring after getting picked up by the Phillies:

“Philadelphia has a cool feel to it, man. It’s a vibe that the city produces. It makes you feel like you are in Paris. I’ve never been to Paris, but I’ve seen it in a lot of movies. I think [Philadelphia] is going to be a great place to live.”

He chose 1706 Rittenhouse for his home, but reported sightings are rare. Has he seen a side of the Square that others don’t, though? Speaking this week about the bombings in his former hometown, he reflected upon his own feelings of vulnerability:

In today’s day and age, it’s gotten so crazy… everything. All this stuff going on. Shoot, man, Obama wants to take our guns from us and everything.

“Our” guns? Who else in 1706 Rittenhouse is packing heat? What about the other buildings? Is Allan Domb carrying? Are folks walking their poodles out of the Rittenhouse Plaza all strapped? Is Bart Blatstein going to get a gat when he moves into the McIlhenney Mansion? Are there AK-47s at the Dorchester?

Jonathan Papelbon, you have opened a new world of ideas to us.

• Guy Who Thinks Philly Is Paris Would Like Your Hands Off Of His Guns Please [philebrity]