Here’s How to Incorporate Kids Into Your Wedding
Life-cycle celebrant and officiant Alisa Tongg shares special ways she’s seen couples honor the children in their lives.
Alisa Tongg offers tips on incorporating children into your wedding. / Photograph by Renee Dee
Let’s be honest: Attending a wedding is likely not high on many children’s lists of fun activities. Depending on their age, they might not even completely understand what’s taking place. But for many blended families, it’s important to make the kids a part of the Big Day celebrations, as you can see in this American Swedish Historical Museum wedding or this Bucks County vineyard marriage. Here, Poconos-based life-cycle celebrant and officiant Alisa Tongg shares special ways she’s seen couples honor the kids in their lives.
Know your kids.
“Don’t expect too much from children,” cautions Tongg. More importantly, don’t give them a role that’s not appropriate for their age or disposition. If they’re very young, for example, have them sitting in the front row rather than standing up with the wedding party.
Let them share their feelings.
If they’re comfortable speaking in public, invite children to express themselves with a reading or speech. It doesn’t need to be polished — it just needs to come from the heart: “When you let kids who have something that they want to share do it in a way that is appropriate for them and self-directed, only beautiful things come from it,” says Tongg.
Make a pledge to them.
Include the children in the words shared by the officiant and in your vows. “Let them know that the grown-ups’ loving commitment to each other opens up a whole new community of people who are also becoming their family,” she says.
Share ceremony elements.
Select something the whole family can participate in, like tree planting. Another colorful example: unity in glass. “It looks just like a sand ceremony, but everyone’s pouring little pieces of colored glass into a central vessel,” Tongg explains. After the ceremony, the vessel is sent to a glassblower, to be turned into a keepsake like a serving bowl.
Be interested in their perspective.
“I once had a couple who hired a videographer to make their film through the eyes of the bride’s son,” Tongg says. “He felt special and important.”
Published as “Expert Advice” in the Winter/Spring 2024 issue of Philadelphia Wedding.
