What Should Jason Kelce Do Next? Our Scientific Predictions
We see ourselves drinking beers and shots at Kelce's Downashore this summer.
Jason Kelce, who just retired from the Eagles, will likely have a long career in football broadcasting on TV. But why limit himself? (Getty Images)
By now, you know that Philadelphia Eagles legend Jason Kelce has retired. He will, quite probably, turn up during football games next season as a commentator or analyst. But why limit himself to football? Here, six well-thought-out plans for Kelce’s post-Eagles future.
Jason Kelce the Jersey Shore Bar Owner
“Kelce’s” actually sounds exactly like a last name that was born to be on the marquee of a Jersey Shore bar. And Jason Kelce would positively mint money with such an operation, probably in Wildwood or Sea Isle City or, hell, both. He wouldn’t have to be there often, though he certainly would be. And he wouldn’t go just to count the money. Kelce already has bartending experience. He would chug beers with fans. He would sign all the Kelce merch you’re spending a fortune on. Selfies galore! This would naturally be a beer-and-shot type of establishment. Though we could see some speciality cocktails with names like The 62, The Beard, and… No, Taylor Swift Isn’t Showing Up But You’ll Still Spend $15 for This Drink.
Jason Kelce the McDonald’s Spokesperson
Two things to consider here. First, Jason Kelce loves to eat at McDonald’s. He’s a regular customer at the drive-through window at a Delco McDonald’s near his home, as various viral videos have shown us. Second, McDonald’s has a major public relations problem that has blown up in the last few months. The fast-food chain that’s supposed to feel very everyman suddenly started feeling like a ripoff with some crazy pricing. McDonald’s has promised to sort out the issue. But who better to communicate this corporatespeak to the public than a blue collar Super Bowl champion who actually eats at McDonald’s?
Jason Kelce the Game Show Host
No, Jeopardy probably isn’t the right fit. And Ken Jennings seems like he’s as permanent as permanent can be there. Jason Kelce would probably kill it on Wheel of Fortune and we’d certainly be more likely to watch Wheel with him as host as opposed to Pat Sajak’s announced replacement, Ryan “Ugh” Seacrest. But the Seacrest thing is a done deal. Drew Carey feels like he’s run his course at Price Is Right, though somehow, this just seems beneath Kelce. The game show that would actually be perfect for Kelce is Family Feud. Steve Harvey has been there too long — going on 25 years — and can’t seem to steer clear of controversy. Well, controversy is one thing that Kelce has managed to avoid for the entirety of his career.
Jason Kelce the Politician
Jason Kelce is probably way too smart and savvy to consider entering the terrible world of American politics. He shouldn’t allow this to appear as even a blip on his radar. That said, can’t you imagine him being a near-ideal leader? Many residents of Delco already consider him the Mayor of Delco. (To be clear, there isn’t actually a mayor of Delco, a mayor being a municipal thing.) But we’re thinking something along the lines of Congressman Kelce or Senator Kelce. We’d love to see Senator Kelce and Senator Fetterman joining forces for some political football.
Jason Kelce the Reality Show Host
Yes, we already mentioned the idea of Jason Kelce the game show host, but a reality show is a bit different. Kelce seems like the kind of guy who could fit in on anything from America’s Got Talent to Survivor to a cooking show like Nailed It. We wouldn’t immediately cast him to host a show like The Bachelor… Then again, if the bachelor happens to be an aging and very wealthy sports star. Hmmm. This might not be our worst idea ever.
Jason Kelce the Cheesesteak Entrepreneur
Danny DiGiampietro from Angelo’s in South Philly teamed up with Bradley Cooper for a cheesesteak truck in New York. But do you really think of Bradley Cooper when you think of cheesesteaks? We sure don’t. Jason Kelce, on the other hand, has an image that pairs perfectly well with a greasy sandwich that can be as messy to eat as it is delicious. No Philadelphia cheesesteak entrepreneur has ever successfully expanded outside of the Philadelphia area — the key word being successfully — but Kelce might just be the guy to pull this off.
What do you think Jason Kelce should or will do next? Send us your thoughts here.
