Last-Minute Gift Idea: Ricardo, the Bull That Got Loose on NJ Transit, Is Now a Plushie

Took some liberties with Ricardo’s horns there. (NJ Transit/PIX 11 News)

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Betting on the Bull in the Gift Shop

In a shrewd (?) marketing move, NJ Transit is selling six-inch plush likenesses of Ricardo, the runaway bull seen galloping along the train tracks last week. Yes, his name was Ricardo. He lives at an animal sanctuary now.

The plush Ricardo doll will set you back $20 and won’t be available until January 3rd. (But you can pre-order! Tell your friends and family the gift is en route on Christmas morning.)

Now, it doesn’t look much like the Ricardo we know, whose horns were comically, shamelessly long. Rather, we get this introspective devilish formation. Also, this bull is sitting upright and wearing a bandanna, which is not canon.

At this very moment, SEPTA’s marketing wing is struggling to think of a single thing anyone has ever seen at one of their stations that somebody would want to hug. Don’t worry, SEPTA. I got you. Free SEPTA plushie ideas:

• Carolyn, the Trapped City Hall Subway Pigeon
• Knotty, the West Philly Rat King
• Logan, the Token (for the nostalgic)
• Swipes, the Key Card (for the instantly nostalgic)
• Shruggy, the Bus Driver Who Lets You Ride Free Despite Insufficient Funds

Jefferson Is Buying Another 30 Hospitals Because Sometimes It’s Nice to Have a Place in the Poconos to Get Away From It All

Jefferson University just revealed plans to purchase Lehigh Valley Health Network, thus bringing their total of hospitals to 30.  According to the Inquirer, this will bump Jeff into the top 20 largest nonprofit health-care systems in the United States.

If all goes according to plan, one day there will be no more City Hall, or SEPTA, or Wawa, or Eagles, or cheesesteaks, or even a Philadelphia. There will just be Jeff. We’ll take ambulances to work, and we’ll work at Jeff. For lunch, we’ll eat Jeff at Jeff cafes and pay a Jeff tax on 64-ounce cups of bubbling Diet Jeff. We will be neither happy nor unhappy. We will be only Jeff.

By the Numbers

0: Number of Christmas decorations Wallingford Swarthmore School District bus drivers are allowed on their buses, due to complaints from parents. Listen close and you’ll hear a tiny, terrified voice coming from an easy chair in a sub-basement in a castle in a desert of dry mud where nothing grows for miles and no one has visited in years. “See?” croaks Bill O’Reilly, drunk on spider-egg wine. “War on Christmas.”

5: That’s how many months it took Philly rocker/YouTuber Pat Finnerty to complete his video about the hideous mediocrity of Jason Aldean’s “Try That in a Small Town.” It’s also about Finnerty’s quest to find a hot tub that fits into his West Philly garage. The video is NSFW for adult language and two hours long. And worth it.

37: That’s how many inches of snow we would have gotten in that storm if the rain had been snow, which it wasn’t. [Showing my work: 1 inch of rain = 13 inches of snow. Philadelphia received 2.87 inches of rain, which would have been 37.31 inches of snow, which, again, it was not.]

17th: Philadelphia’s rank on Wallet Hub’s just-released list of the Neediest Cities in America. It’s not your fault you only give us bad news, Wallet Hub. You’re just doing what you do. But still, I feel this urge to whisper into your ear as you sleep that your entire company could disappear from the face of the Earth tonight and no one would feel the loss.

519: Bald eagles spotted at Hawk Mountain’s annual fall migration count, the highest total yet. Probably get more if you called it Eagle Mountain. Just my two cents.

And from the Kill-Me-Now Sports Desk …

After all the will-he-won’t-he drama, Jalen Hurts started the Eagles’ game vs. the Seahawks and on the first play ran for a first down. Yay! Dallas Goedert in his second game back from his broken arm picked up some good yardage, and Hurts ran it in to make it 7-0.

Seattle’s starting QB, Geno Smith, was out with a groin pull, so Drew Lock was under center, and our defense held. So did theirs, though, on our second try. An “illegal batting” call on a Seattle punt was a new one to me. We went for it on a fourth-and-four and got the first down on a pass to Julio Jones at the 12. But later in the drive a false-start call on Jason Kelce brought on Jake Elliott for a field goal. The Seahawks eked one out, too, in the half’s closing minutes. We got the ball back but went nowhere in 30 whole seconds, turning it back to Seattle with 1:08 left. Intentional-grounding and holding calls on the ’Hawks saved the day: 10-3 us at the half.

Halftime thoughts as #Eagles lead #Seahawks 10-3 #FlyEaglesFly

– Defense looking a bit better under Patricia, but it is Drew Lock

– Offense and play calling have improved some, need to find the endzone tho

– Hurts is playing well despite being sick, moving well while running pic.twitter.com/GDwpe4oa23

— Philly Sports (@PhillyGameDay) December 19, 2023

Seattle charged right down to tie it at the start of the second half, and Hurts engineered an answering drive capped with another tush push. (Fascinating play history here; there’s a Napoleon connection!) New Birds defensive play-caller Matt Patricia cut off the subsequent drive but on the following Seahawks try had no answer for Kenneth Walker heading into the fourth. A pass interference call against James Bradberry on fourth-and-two was a killer until a key Jalen Carter sack that was ruled an incomplete pass and a good Sirianni challenge of that call kept Seattle to a field goal.

Alas, Hurts threw a LONG interception in the end zone on our next drive that gave the ball to the Seahawks, though Joe Buck and Troy Aikman thought our Quez Watkins was interfered with. Patricia’s D held, and on our next drive, we couldn’t get going. Seattle got the ball back with under two minutes to go. A great Nick Morrow breakup of a Lock pass went for naught when D.K. Metcalf then made an unbelievable catch for a first down.

https://twitter.com/TheRealLastTake/status/1736962148222341438

And then another mighty toss for the TD that sealed it for the Seahawks, 20-17. I’d say we still have some defensive woes. The game was capped by a last-second ’Hawks interception. Because life sucks.

Oh, and if you missed it, there was an entertaining Jason Peters profile at The Athletic yesterday.

Did the Sixers Win, at Least?

Among the complications caused by the NFL’s flexing of the Eagles game to Monday night was that the Sixers were also playing. Their home match with the Bulls started at 7 p.m., so at least the first half wasn’t a frantic dance with the remote. Joel Embiid had been questionable with a hamstring strain, but he started and even did a fancy roll-to-the-ground-and-jump-back-up when he was fouled early on.

https://twitter.com/_MarcusD3_/status/1736903782804377624

The Sixers rolled up a big lead, but the Bulls surged ahead as the first quarter ended, 25-24. Then they ran their lead up through the second, though Vuc picked up a dreaded flopping foul. We were down 55-44 at the half, and Joel accounted for 23 of our points. Somebody else had to step up.

But it was more Embiid in the third as we tied it up before falling behind again, 81-69, to end the third. We charged back to take a lead in the fourth, but a 10-0 Bulls run scotched that. We were oh-so-close to a comeback, as Tyrese made it a one-point game, 105-104, with 30 seconds to go. But then a terrible foul was called on a Tobias Harris levitation; it was challenged by Nick Nurse, but the call was affirmed. A 108-104 loss; a 40-point outing for Joel. What a shame. You want the nail in the coffin? James Harden had a record-setting night.

Any Better College Hoops News?

Sort of? The Drexel Dragons annihilated visiting Penn State Greater Allegheny yesterday morning, 117-59. Not sure why this game was even scheduled, but it was Dragons head coach Zach Spiker’s 100th win with his team, so congrats to him. Nothing on the local slate for tonight.

The Flyers play, though.