5 Reasons We Hate the Atlanta Braves So Much

Blooper, the awful Atlanta Braves mascot (Getty Images)

There are baseball teams we don’t like. And then there are baseball teams that we really hate. The Atlanta Braves is one of the select few to make that list. Here’s why.

Blooper

It’s hard to imagine a mascot in professional sports being worse than Blooper, the Atlanta Braves mascot. We realize it’s easy for us in Philadelphia to say that, being that some of our mascots (see: Gritty and the Phanatic) are among the best in the industry. But Blooper is just indefensible.

Blooper has been described as all of the following:

• “Literally a sentient pair of Dockers”
• A “first draft of the Phanatic, drawn by a child asked to describe what ‘nightmare thumb’ means to them after a series of Rorschach tests, then built with leftover carpet fabric from the 70s.”
• In the words of sagacious Inquirer columnist Stephanie Farr, “a mouthless beige nightmare that looks like a pair of crusty khakis with red hair and Shrek ears.”

Do people in Atlanta actually get excited when they see this thing? Do kids ask for his autograph? Are Braves fans waiting in line for selfies? If the answer is yes to any of those questions, what’s wrong with them? Oh, right. They’re Braves fans. Duh.

Their Stadium Food

Phillies fans have lots of great food to chow down on at Citizens Bank Park, even if it is grossly overpriced in some cases and even if you can’t pay for it with cash anymore, which is beyond annoying. But it’s hard to complain considering that Braves fans are stuck with the food inside Truist Park.

You want pizza? There’s Domino’s! Naturally, they feel the need to put what is surely a horrifying version of the cheesesteak on the menu, and naturally, they call it a “Philly cheesesteak,” which any self-respecting Philadelphian knows you just don’t do. Oh, and don’t eat too much Domino’s pizza and Philly cheesesteaks. You’ll want to save room for dessert, which includes spaghetti ice cream and baked potato ice cream. I almost feel bad for Atlanta Braves fans. Except that they’re Atlanta Braves fans.

The Chop

Only a Braves fan could possibly defend their offensive use of the so-called “Tomahawk Chop” during games. The Indians franchise not only ditched its controversial Chief Wahoo logo; it changed the whole team name. Yet the Chop lives on.

Pitcher Spencer Strider

Professional sports players are good at sports. That talent frequently does not translate into saying the smartest of things when questioned by reporters. Atlanta Braves pitcher Spencer Strider recently declared that he wished Major League Baseball would ban fans from the stadium! You can’t make this stuff up. Could you imagine Aaron Nola or Zach Wheeler saying that? They would absolutely be run out of town.

The Radio Booth

Once again, it’s almost unfair to make this comparison, given the world-class quality of the Phillies booth. But, c’mon. The Atlanta Braves radio announcers are, as my one colleague put it to me, “a bunch of Cream of Wheat jabronis,” which is about as accurate a description as one could conjure.

Beyond just being that, they also say some truly puzzling things at times. During Wednesday’s game at Citizen Bank Park, Bryce Harper twice made a throat-slashing motion after hitting home runs. And one of the Braves radio announcers suggested such a motion was offensive due to certain world events, presumably meaning what’s happening between Israel and Hamas:

The Braves radio booth does not approve of Bryce Harper's home run celebrations tonight

(h/t @_piccone) pic.twitter.com/rcEpI9o9cK

— Jomboy Media (@JomboyMedia) October 12, 2023

Huh? Really? Not only is that a patently ridiculous connection to make. It’s also coming from the announcer for the team responsible for The Chop, so…

Now that we got all that negativity out of the way: Go Phils! Send these chumps and their mouthless mascot back from whence they came.