No, You Cannot Have “FUBIDEN” As Your Pennsylvania Vanity License Plate

Somebody tried to, uh, pay tribute to Joe Biden, seen here in Philadelphia in March, with a Pennsylvania vanity license plate (Getty Images)

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No, You Cannot Have “FUBIDEN” As Your Pennsylvania Vanity License Plate

For a fee, you can apply to PennDOT to get one of those vanity license plates. But you can’t just have it say anything. The rules are pretty clear. Actually, they couldn’t be clearer: Nothing lewd, obscene, vulgar, profane, or lascivious, to use the terms set forth by PennDOT. Nothing remotely sexual. Want a license plate that reads ILUVPOOP? You can’t. Nothing about “excretory functions.” No racial slurs. You can read all the rules here.

PennDOT has employees who vet the plates using an internet acronym dictionary and a slang dictionary. They’ll also take your request and process it through language translators, should you attempt to throw some French curse words their way. Oh, and they also will read your requested plate backwards. They’re also on the lookout for applications that try to sneak in numbers for letters, the way middle schoolers used to do with that calculator computation that led to, well, something resembling BOOBLESS.

Naturally, people being people, PennDOT rejects a ton of vanity plate applications. The media outlet City & State Pennsylvania took a look at some recent rejections in a new report, and they definitely gave me a good chuckle. Among the rejected vanity plates: FUBIDEN, ELOH55A (remember what I said about reading backwards and number substitutions), and FLA5HME. I personally like the ELOH55A attempt best.

And because there’s no such thing as an original idea, I plunged into the profane pool of prohibited plates way back in 2017. Some more notable ones from my research: ASSMAN, VEGANAF, and HOLYCRP. (C’mon, PennDOT. We can’t have HOLYCRP? Unsurprisingly, you’re no fun.) I came up with more than 300 rejected plates. In some cases, I have literally no clue what these people are trying to say. Though my kids probably do.

Hot Dog Fight at Phillies Game Leads to Fan Ejections

I never thought I’d be using the phrase “hot dog fight” in a story. But here we are. On Tuesday night, the Phillies played the Marlins at Citizens Bank Park. We lost. But the big story, apparently, was a pretty epic (a word I don’t use often) food fight involving scads of hot dogs, Tuesday being Dollar Dog Night. Fans were throwing hot dogs all over the place in the stands. Security ejected some. I’m trying to think of a good Daily News headline for their front page. Frank Fracas? Meh. The Daily Mail (yes this news made it to the other side of the pond) actually did pretty well with “Weiner Warfare!” Of course, if a bunch of teens started throwing hundreds of hot dogs in Center City, we’d deploy the SWAT team.

Speaking of Philly Teens …

The Inquirer asks (and answers) a very good question: “Where Is a Philadelphia Teenager Supposed to Hang Out?”

Say Goodbye to “Eyewitness News”

For decades, CBS 3’s news coverage has operated with the branding “Eyewitness News.” But the station says that times have changed. Instead of the hit-it-and-quit-it, get-in-and-get-out, if-it-bleeds-it-leads approach that has been “Eyewitness News,” the station says it wants to present stories in a more thoughtful and contextualized way. The rebranding also includes new graphics and such.

This video gives you a feel of what their new vibe is:

Free Coffee at Wawa

I would be remiss if I didn’t tell you that Wawa is giving away free coffee (any size!) today in honor of the company’s 59th birthday.

By the Numbers

$0.12: Did it just cost more to fill up your gas tank? That’s because the average gas price in Pennsylvania just went up by this much in the last week.

$451,431.11: Amount two women in their 20s allegedly stole from the West Chester doctor they worked for. Prosecutors say they laundered the funds through PayPal and used the money for tanning salons, tattoos, and hairstyling, among other less primping-oriented things.

100: Number of 360-degree surveillance cameras the city is installing outside 14 rec centers around the city, choosing the locations based on gun violence data from those neighborhoods.

$1,716: Minimum price of a courtside ticket to this Saturday’s first Sixers playoff game at Wells Fargo Center. They go up to $6,000 each. Don’t worry: You can also get into the game for 70 bucks.

Philly Sports Desk contributor Sandy Hingston is on break this week. And, therefore, so is the Sports Desk.