The Best Thing That Happened This Week: Buh-Bye, Summer From Hell

The crop is in!!

— Not4Nothing (@fbonn2000) June 21, 2020

Happy autumnal equinox, the date this time of year on which day and night are of equal length, which slammed into us on Tuesday, an occasion marked by cloudless blue skies and crisp apple-scented air and heartfelt relief that at long last we can abandon the lame-ass excuse for a “Victory Garden” that we planted in March with such high hopes but which has since withered in the heat and drought and general malaise into a tangled mass of fruitless tomato vines and gawky sunflowers and heads of lettuce long since gone to seed and which yielded a grand total of six (count ’em — six) diminutive carrots, four and a half peas and one desiccated radish in the course of the growing season, if you don’t count wheelbarrows’ worth of thistle and snotweed and crabgrass. Hey, if we were meant to be farmers, we’d still be back in the Old Country, amirite? Forget the hoeing, bury the manure, and let’s get back to the real national hobby: politics. May the change in seasons bring with it a change in administrations! Meantime, go snag yourself a pumpkin spice latte. It’s fall, y’all!