From the Dept. of Terrible Ideas: Alcohol at the Philadelphia Zoo

Photo Illustration: Alyse Moyer | Photos: iStockPhoto

It seems that everywhere you go in Philly these days, a beer garden or other alcohol-serving “pop-up” is oh-so-conveniently nearby. You can have a drink on the 51st floor of a skyscraper, atop the roof of former public school, and at an ever-growing number of other spots around town. In general, this is a good thing, considering the draconian nature of the state’s liquor laws not long ago, but that doesn’t mean that we need to be serving drinks everywhere, and one place that should be alcohol-free is the Philadelphia Zoo.

Word of the Philadelphia Zoo’s new alcohol policy came out two weeks ago. There are two spots inside the Philadelphia Zoo serving beer and wine, and a separate beer garden is imminent, because of course it is. Drinkers aren’t going to be corralled into one area. No, you’ll be able to walk around the zoo with your beverage. A recipe for disaster or, at least, an annoying summer afternoon.

I’m a big fan of the Philadelphia Zoo. My kids are now eight and 10, and we’ve been frequenting the zoo since they were in strollers. It’s a great zoo, but it can also be smellier than it should be, blazingly hot, and filled with a bunch of tense parents.

I’ve seen plenty of moms and dads screaming at their kids. I’ve seen more than a few children get whacked or shaken by frustrated parents who have paid as much as $84 for admission for their family of four. And then there are the kids on leashes, which are in no short supply at the Philadelphia Zoo.

How is adding alcohol to the mix going to improve any of that? Newsflash: It’s not.

And while the bro contingent doesn’t make up much of the zoo’s current audience, it’s not hard to imagine those swarms of drunk Penn kids — the ones that like to make asses of themselves in Center City bars and pee on the street — deciding it would be fun to head out to the zoo for some brewskies.

Ugh.

The week after alcohol sales at the zoo began, Amy Shearer, the Philadelphia Zoo’s chief marketing officer, told Philadelphia magazine that the policy was changed after careful consideration and discussions with guests.

“Through all of these conversations,” she began, “one thing that our guests had been largely vocal about is that, ‘Hey, the zoo is great for all ages and families as well, but there’s some things that we adults want, too.'”

Yeah, I get it. You like beer. You want a beer. Or two. Or three. Or four. But if you really can’t get through a visit to a family destination like the Philadelphia Zoo without throwing back some drinks, maybe it’s time to ask yourself some tough questions.

Follow @VictorFiorillo on Twitter.