Philly’s 8 Best #Savesies Tools, Ranked
The Philadelphia way. | Photos by Holly Otterbein and Shutterstock.com
We’re not here to debate #Savesies.
As you probably know, the practice is illegal. Should you spend Saturday morning digging the car out, you’re expected to leave that freshly shoveled spot’s fate to chance, as per the Philadelphia Police Department’s brilliant #NoSavesies campaign (now featuring Drake).
As you definitely know, that’s not how it works around here. Deed or no deed, Philadelphians will defend “their” parking spots’ honor to the death, reserving them with everything from beach chairs to stolen property.
Is there a right or a wrong here? Maybe, but there’s no use exploring it. Both #Savesies and #NoSavesies convictions run deep, passed down from generation to generation, protected in our righteous hearts under a higher law. We might be able to have a reasonable debate about abortion or the death penalty, but not parking. Please God no. Not here and not now.
Instead, let’s cool down and make a lighthearted list, as lists rarely inspire fight-fights or death threats. With that in mind, here are Philly’s top #Savesies weapons of choice, ranked from “Meh” to “I ain’t afraid to die anymore.”
The recycling bucket
Ah, the Fishtown special. Did it just tip into the street after I reduced, reused and recycled? Or did I intentionally place it in this shoveled parking spot? Afraid to take sides and more passive-aggressive than your sister-in-law, the recycler won’t defend his spot or seek retribution. He might, however, blow up your Facebook with Bernie Sanders memes, so proceed with caution anyway.
The trash can
Still a step away from fully committing to the grand tradition of #Savesies, but a little less Earth-friendly and slightly more imposing. This guy won’t key your car, but he might leave a pissy note in all caps.
The lawn chair
Now we’re talking. Clearly placed in the parking spot on purpose, the lawn chair #Savesie makes a clear, confident statement: I shoveled this spot out, and 15 minutes of cardio was enough, thank you very much.
The milk crate
Stolen property! Suck it neighbors and ShopRite!
The traffic cone
Swiped milk crates are one thing. But traffic cones take it to the next level: She’s not only happy to pillage and plunder for her parking spot — she’ll do so from the Philadelphia Water Department. If you move this cone, make sure to tell your car you love him before walking away into that cold, dark night.
The traffic cone + broom
An advanced form of #Savesies rarely spotted outside the Northeast, the stolen traffic cone spiked with a broom is a thing of rare beauty. Let its bold, beautiful, balls-out entitlement wash over you like a warm bath, then move along knowing that you have witnessed greatness.
Any of the above + a sign
Putting your #Savesies convictions into writing isn’t easy. Anyone who takes Sharpie to paper and attempts to do so deserves a certain amount of respect and space. Plenty of space.
The parted curtains
Behold, the #Savesies black belt! A dark art practiced in the depths of South Philly, the parted curtains require no actual physical presence in the parking space. Instead, they watch from on high, gently reminding potential parkers of what lurks behind them. Explore this method at your own risk — many have tried to understand it, and many have failed.
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