One of Us: Seth Williams, Philadelphia District Attorney

Illustration by Andy Friedman

I go by “Seth” because … my parents always called me that. And “Rufus Doofus” is a tough one on the playground.

I grew up in … Cobbs Creek, West Philadelphia.

My relationship status is … divorced.

I started working … at age 11, packing bags at the A&P on Baltimore Avenue right outside Philadelphia.

I knew I wanted to be a lawyer when … medical school proved to be impossible. I got a medical discharge from West Point, because I was allergic to math and science.

The thing most people don’t understand about my job is … that I actually have to follow the law.

My three daughters are always telling me … that I think I’m cool.

If I were mayor, I would … do all I could to improve the schools. And get people to stop trashing Philadelphia, both literally and figuratively. I hate people saying shit about Philly — and throwing trash on the ground.

My biggest indulgence is … Dominican cigars. I started smoking in my junior year of high school.

One Philadelphia law I’d like to change is … being able to hold parents accountable for their children being truant. The law allows it, but there are roadblocks from the school district and DHS.

When I want to relax, I go to … my backyard in Greenhill Farms.

The last time I broke the law … on a late night, I lit up a cigar in my office. Well, I’m not sure that’s actually a violation of the law, but …

One food I cannot stand is … that flaky coconut they put on cupcakes.

If you’re going to hire a band to play my 50th birthday party in two years … go old-school. Run-DMC!

Chuck Peruto Jr. … had a great father.

When the Pope comes to town in September … I’ll be very concerned about safety and security. I’m a huge fan of our current pope, but I’m not holding my breath for an audience.

The secret to my weight-loss success is … no sugar, no carbs.

The best thing on TV right now is … whatever’s on HGTV and whatever mindless comedy is on. After dealing with the stuff I have to deal with at work, it helps me escape.

I’ll run for mayor … of Key West, Florida. If I say anything about running for mayor here, the Ethics Board will say I announced I was running, and I’ll be out of a job.

When I want a celebratory dinner, I go to … Chiarella’s in South Philadelphia and get whatever the chef says is the special.

On Sunday mornings, you’ll find me … at my church, St. Cyprian. I was a sexton in church when I was younger, and I used to take care of the church and the grounds.

The next Philadelphia team to win a championship will be … the Eagles. When? Hope springs eternal. Super Bowl 2016.

The last time I had hair … George W. Bush was president.

Originally published in the July 2015 issue of Philadelphia magazine.