UPDATE: Bristol Palin Will Not Promote Virginity to Sex-Mad Penn Students

UPDATE: Bristol Palin’s reported talk at Penn has turned out to be a hoax, and one allegedly perpetrated by Under The Button, upon whose story we based the below post.

A posting on Penn’s Special Planning + Events Committee (SPEC) appears to confirm that Palin will be giving no such talk.

ORIGINAL: Guess what? It’s been five years since we found out that Bristol Palin—daughter of then-newly-minted poltical celebrity Sarah Palin—was pregnant and about to be a teen mom, either vindicating Democratic beliefs that social conservatives are all a bunch of hypocrites, or confirming Republican beliefs that once pregnant you have your baby no matter what. Either way, it’s long enough now that Bristol is no longer a teen mom.

Buuuuut she’s still doing the teen mom shtick. Under the Button reports that flyers have gone up around campus promising a Bristol Palin appearance, 8 p.m. Nov. 20 at Irvine Auditorium. After that, the details are few—Palin is listed as a “teen pregnancy prevention spokesperson” and “television personality” (perhaps based on her onetime Dancing With the Stars gig)—but since we know that the only thing Penn students like more than underage drinking is having sweaty, noncommittal sex that in no way will prevent them from becoming Masters of the Universe, we can only imagine the students who do attend will be rutting like feral pigs in the aisle. It’s a Blue State, Bristol! Run away before you see something too awful!