12 More State Laws Not Worth Defending

State attorney general Kathleen Kane, in a controversial move, announced she won’t defend the state in a federal lawsuit that challenges Pennsylvania’s ban on gay marriage. However, she has thusfar remained silent regarding her stance on the Pennsylvania law prohibiting the use of goldfish as bait, The Philly Post exclusively reports. Also unknown: Will she will defend the law that forbids ministers from performing marriages when either the bride or groom is drunk (a condition that would nullify many of the unions The Philly Post has been a party to)?

Here are 12 more outdated or useless laws Pennsylvania needs to strike from the books:

1. It is a crime for a fortuneteller to tell where to dig for treasure. Additionally, a fortuneteller cannot charge money to try and shorten another’s life. So sad that fortunetellers need to keep this information to themselves.

2. A child’s bedroom may not be more than 200 feet from a bathtub or shower and a toilet.

3. An individual may not discharge or fire a paintball gun or paintball marker at a person who is not participating in paintball games or paintball-related recreational activities. Sounds like someone just couldn’t take a joke.

4. It is contrary to Pennsylvania law to discharge a gun, cannon, revolver or other explosive weapon at a wedding. By all means, bring a gift, but kindly leave your cannon at home.

5. In Pennsylvania, it’s illegal to use goldfish or koi as bait. Same goes for common carp or comets (a breed of goldfish). No word on trout, salmon, or any type of sushi or imitation crab.

6. You may not sing in the bathtub. Of course I’ve never done this, officer. Never in my life. I swear.

7. Dynamite is not to be used to catch fish. For all the fish, boom does not go the dynamite.

8. It is illegal to have more than 16 women live in a house together because that constitutes a brothel. Sorority girls already had a bad rep, but now this?!

9. Ministers are forbidden from performing marriages when either the bride or groom is drunk. We doubt this is endorsed by the divorce lawyers’ lobby.

10. A special cleaning ordinance bans housewives from hiding dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling. Surely men want to keep this trick for themselves.

11. Pennsylvania law prohibits people from sleeping on top of a refrigerator outdoors. Obviously, if you’re sleeping outdoors and have access to a refrigerator, you’re going to sleep inside the fridge. But safety first: prop the door open.

12. All liquor stores must be run by the state. Just saying …