How To Ditch a Clingy Girlfriend

Dear Monica, My girlfriend is too clingy and does not understand that I need some space and time with my friends. How do I break away sometimes? — M.M., Norristown

Just like women need girls’ night out, men need a guys’ night on the town as well. It is healthy to have friends and go out with them. Life would get very boring with just the two of you all the time. If she can’t possibly fathom why you would want to spend a night out with the boys instead of her, give her this list of reasons why men need guy time … and why it may benefit your relationship.

• He will reclaim his manliness. A boys’ night out allows men to be themselves without holding back. Give him a night to eat the entire bucket of buffalo wings, and flaunt his bodily functions. It’s better if he just gets it out of his system.
• He will feel liberated. No matter how much he loves you and how serious the relationship may be, no guy wants to feel like he can’t go out with his buddies. Whether it’s playing poker, going to the bars, watching a game or awkwardly being forced into a strip club, guys need a boys’ night out with their buddies.
• He’s watched enough chick flicks. His interests are better shared with the same sex. Boys’ night gives him the opportunity to engage in a heated debate over the latest sports trade, the stock market, the economy, his boss, Entourage and Curb Your Enthusiasm.
• He can bitch to the guys instead of fighting with you. A night spent venting to the guys can do wonders for your relationship. He can recount his frustration over how long it took you to get ready last Saturday night, complain about your family’s recent visit and roll his eyes over how much you spent on a haircut. Let him share with his guy friends, rather than risk a fight by discussing it with you. Who knows? Maybe the time it takes you to get ready pales in comparison to his buddy’s girlfriend. This will help him get much needed perspective.
• He will appreciate your relationship. The saying “everything in moderation” holds true. If you wind up spending every night of the week together, you may become an old habit. Where’s the excitement in that? You want him to look forward to seeing you. Even worse, if he perceives you as a road block between himself and his guy friends and he will feel like he lost his freedom and begin to resent you and the relationship.
• He will realize how good he has it. After spending an evening watching his single friends hit on girls, execute pick up lines with no follow through, and complain about their latest bad date, he will be more than ready to come home to you!

After explaining these reasons to your partner, remember to be honest with her about where you are going and give her a recap the next day. This will defuse any drama and hopefully ensure her blessing for  future boys’ nights out!

Monica Mandell, Ph.D. is the Director of the Philadelphia office of Selective Search, the premiere (off-line) upscale matchmaking firm for the most eligible singles. Please send your questions to: monica@selectivesearch.com