A Devoted Birther Will Never Give Up

I still have a problem with this “I was born in America” thing that Obama is trying to pull over on us. He was born—or says he was—on August 4, 1961. I’ll say, for the moment, that is a fact, because it is pretty good timing. To say the least! We let Hawaii become a state on August 17, 1959, according to my atlas. I’ll do the arithmetic for you. Hawaii was a state less than two years when he was born there (as he says, though my neighbor told me he made the call across the ocean himself to somebody there, to get the long-form proof, whatever that is, of his birth certificate, and are we supposed to think that he couldn’t get some flunky with a typewriter to come up with whatever piece of paper he wanted and make it look like 1961? Come on—he’s President, for crying out loud).

[SIGNUP]Anyway, Obama, he’s a smart guy. He kept his middle name on this “birth certificate” Hussein, because then we would believe it was legit. Think about it. If he tried to pull off on this certificate that his middle name was really “George” or “David”—something solid—and suddenly claimed that the Hussein thing began as a joke when he was a bigshot college boy because he was trying to have some fun with the Jews—come on. We would see right through that. Don’t you think?

Okay. If you think life starts when somebody gets pregnant, which it does, it’s cutting it awful close. I mean that he was born in ’61 with Hawaii barely a state. Well, I’ve got some more news for you: The Constitution of the United States refers to “the continental United States of America” when it says future Presidents have got to be born on our soil. If you don’t believe me, look it up. If you don’t find it, that doesn’t mean it’s not there. Believe me. Because when the Constitution was written, was an archipelago in the middle of the goddamn Pacific part of the country? We need to think of the framers. Read your history. We just don’t think enough.

Anyway, Mr. Barack Hussein Obama says he has a lot of stuff to do, and we should let him do it and stop worrying about his paperwork.

But if he has stuff to do, why is he spending time getting mad at TV guys and carnival barkers? Here’s a question: Do they have carnival barkers in Hawaii? It seems more like a California thing. He says he lived there, too. The guy has been in college all over the place. That’s how you become a socialist.

By the way, we know who he meant by “carnival barker.” I mean, come on. Personally, I think our President was afraid of saying these two words: Donald Trump. Because Donald Trump is not afraid of saying two words himself: You’re fired! I saw that 40-something percent of fellow Americans are not sure that Donald was born in America. Are they kidding? Unless a guy is rock-solid how could he pull off what Donald has? I ask you that.

But really, just because the President has a lot of work to do—does he really think he’s heard the last from people like me? When he spent half his life in Africa and Indo-wherever—oh yeah, he lived there for a while, too. Come on. Nobody’s that stupid.