Does Size Matter?

Dear Monica, Why is it that men can obsess over the size of a woman’s breasts and talk about the need for a boob job, but if a woman ever remarked about his manhood all hell would break loose? Are women wrong in thinking that size matters? Is bigger better? — M. S., Havertown

You are absolutely right. Men do focus on boobs, and to many bigger is usually better. Heaven forbid a woman should ever comment on the size of a man’s penis or suggest that he pursue enhancement. Like you say, all hell would break loose. From a young age, men are focused on their penises, which serve as a source of pride. Women know that the most sensitive issue for a man is the size of his member. Is it really that important? Here are some shocking facts about sex and size.

• Medical journals have shown there really is nothing that can make a man’s penis bigger. Sex experts Masters and Johnson state that surgery usually does not work, is very expensive, and can lead to serious complications.
• Research also shows that size and satisfaction do not go hand in hand. What makes sex great is the comfort level and communication with the partner. (Yes, ladies, shocking but true, it is not the vastness of the ship, it is the motion of the ocean.) The big O has nothing to do with size but more to do with the intimacy and interaction of the couple.
• Studies show that it does not matter how tall you are, what race you are or what size shoe you wear. There are plenty of short, well-equipped men out there. Don’t judge a book by its cover. At 6-foot-5, Howard Stern often describes his “private parts” as resembling a nub.
• It is has been shown that girth is more important in terms of sensation than length. Yes, thickness trumps size.
• In a recent poll women felt that quality was much more important than quantity. To put it bluntly, guys, it is not what you have, but what you do with it.
• Surveys have also shown that women who are comfortable coaching their man in bed will inevitably achieve the satisfaction that they crave. Don’t be a passive lover.
• Two things that may determine whether some men are smaller are circumcision and hand size. Circumcision takes off half an inch. Slender hands, especially length of index fingers, can be an indicating factor of size. Just remember: There are more sexual options than just intercourse, so hopefully he is good at one of them.

Both men and women should be sensitive to how they speak to each other about physical features. Amazing sex is not about the size of body parts. It is about love, loyalty, communication and making each other feel comfortable in an intimate situation. Try to be dialed into your partner’s needs and not just your own. Fulfillment is not about size or position, but rather about making each other the priority—inside and outside of the bedroom.

Monica Mandell, Ph.D. is the Director of the Philadelphia office of Selective Search, the premiere (off-line) upscale matchmaking firm for the most eligible singles. Please send your questions to: monica@selectivesearch.com