How To Avoid Bedroom Blunders
Dear Monica, I met a guy who is perfect for me. We are totally compatible — both emotionally and physically. When we are intimate he is always playing 20 questions. He wants to know everything about me, past and present, good and bad. Where should I be drawing the line? When does it become TMI? — N.G. Penn Valley
No good comes from sharing too many details about your romantic past. Save your wild stories for your close girlfriends and spare your new guy the gory details. Even if he praises you for how sexy, playful and fun you are, there are some things better left unsaid. I would rank these as some of the top taboo topics for boudoir banter.
YOU’VE FAKED ORGASM: This one’s a ticking time bomb that will always leave him wondering if you’re screams are the real deal with him. This can only lead to major insecurity in the bedroom.
HOW MANY PARTNERS YOU’VE HAD: The truth may be a tough number for him to get past. This is information that he really doesn’t need to know, nor do you need to know about him.
MENTION OF YOUR EX OR PREVIOUS PARTNERS: Any emotional outpouring or ongoing reference of an ex at this juncture is a sure sign you’re still into him. Not the impression you want to leave. Focus on the bottom-line reason why things didn’t work out in a mature manner. Avoid any ex-bashing.
DISCLOSE YOUR SEXUAL EXPERIENCES: He may tell you he’s glad you are experienced and encourage you to share some steamy episodes to excite him. In the end, he may not be able to handle hearing the details or he may end up viewing you as the “fun girl” instead of the “forever girl.” I suggest you keep all dirty talk focused on and about him.
REVEAL YOU’VE CHEATED IN THE PAST: You are into your new man and you want to be honest about your past indiscretions. This sort of candor in a new relationship serves no purpose. What is important is that you know you have outgrown your old ways. The last thing you want is for him to brand you as “once a cheater, always a cheater.” Let your relationship blossom and build credibility before disclosing that you’ve acted dishonestly in the past.
COMPARE THE PACKAGE: Never, ever compare the jewels. The words “larger” and “wider” should never be spoken in his presence.
YOU DON’T LIKE SOMETHING ABOUT HIS FAMILY: Save negative critiques until you are in the family. Even if he talks negatively about a family member, don’t chime in. Not a peep until you get to know him — and them — better.
Champagne, strawberries, caviar, Barry White: These should be the points of focus during sexy times. Blabbing in bed will only leave you with a sloppy mess that you will have to clean up later. Less is more, except when it comes to doing the deed!
Monica Mandell, Ph.D. is the Director of the Philadelphia office of Selective Search, the premiere (off-line) upscale matchmaking firm for the most eligible singles. Please send your questions to: monica@selectivesearch-inc.com
