Married Men Without Wedding Rings

Dear Monica,
I am single and I keep meeting guys who are not wearing rings but, in fact, are married. What is the best way to avoid this situation? —G.K., Philadelphia, PA

When it comes to getting engaged there are clear differences between men and women. When a woman gets engaged she not only tells the world, but she flashes her bling all around town making it clear that she is taken. But a man appears single during the entire engagement period. Unfortunately even after they are married and get a ring, some men have a hard time keeping that ring on their finger.

Once the ring is removed, or never worn at all, some men feel free to act as if there are no marital ties. Single women need to be very smart in filtering out who is or is not on the market. Ladies, start by being proactive and outsmart those married men. Begin by asking questions to those ringless suitors.

• Where do they live? If it is in the burbs, chances are they are married or about to be separated. Most single guys choose to live in the city.

• If they are with friends talk to their buddies. Ask how they know each other or if their wives are friends.

• Ask where he went to college. Make a joke and ask if he married his college sweetheart. This should shock him into telling the truth.

• Ask if he has kids and if so where they go to school. At least this way you will have a means to learn more about him.

• Ask where he likes to vacation. Is it an all-inclusive family resort or Vegas with the guys?

• Always be sure to look to see if there happens to be a tan line on his ring finger. This is an obvious give away.

Women out in the dating world need to have their antennae up, not in a bitter way, but in a realistic way. It is cruel when you connect with somebody that you think is available and you learn — after investing precious time and emotion — that they are not. Don’t let situations like this get you down. He is the problem and you are not the solution.  Keep your head high and know that there are plenty of unattached men waiting to be met.

Advice to men: size your wedding ring on the small side so you can’t get it off. I’m talking needing soap and water and lots of effort to remove. This will keep you on the straight and narrow or at least with a well-deserved wounded knuckle!

Monica Mandell, Ph.D. is the Director of the Philadelphia office of Selective Search, the premiere (off-line) upscale matchmaking firm for the most eligible singles.  Please send your questions to: monica@selectivesearch-inc.com