The 8th-Inning Taser Chase

The Phillies brought us a championship and two World Series appearances in a row. For a short time, the negative image of the bitter, booing Philadelphia sports fan was gone.

That didn’t last long.

The negative image is back, only booing and bitter has been replaced by puking and tasered.[SIGNUP]

Seventeen-year-old Steve Consalvi’s historic run in the outfield at Citizens Bank Park is all over You Tube. Historic because it is the first time in the history of baseball that someone has been tasered on a Major League Baseball field. And for it to happen in the eighth inning of a game in play, well, his mother must be so proud. One of the videos has almost two million hits. All of the videos together total over four million hits. (In case you haven’t seen it, here it is.)

“Man, those tasers work!” That’s the first thing I thought after seeing the video. Then I thought, “Did they really need to do that to him?” It’s a question a lot of people, including the governor of Pennsylvania, have asked since the incident. The Philadelphia police commissioner defended the use of non-lethal force as being within department guidelines. And many have argued that the tasering will stop future fanatical fans from running on the field. That argument was disproven the very next night when 34-year-old Thomas Betz ran on the field.

I guess he was hoping for the taser. It didn’t happen. Phillies’ security cornered Betz and escorted him off the field. It helped that Betz was not in the same kind of physical shape as the 17-year-old the night before.
Hey wait; I’ve seen these logical sequences on IQ tests. This means the next Phillies fan to run on the field will be 68. Security won’t even chase him, they’ll just wait for him to nap. And when he does he will not be tased. The Phillies have put an end to the practice as Philadelphia police will no longer be involved in the fan chases unless absolutely necessary.

This will all come as a big disappointment to Phillies fans who shouted “Tase him!” during the Monday night eighth inning romp through the outfield. It was like a scene out of an old gladiator movie. All that was missing was Mayor Nutter standing up and tuning his thumb down before Consalvi hit the turf.

It was a fan favorite, which gives me an idea. The Phillies should give the fans what they want by launching “The Eighth Inning Taser Chase.”
Stay with me here. Fans who want to make the daring run through the outfield could register and sign a waiver. They would then run through the outfield until they’re brought down with a taser. When the rodeo is in town the willing fans could be roped and hog tied. Maybe, in conjunction with Animal Planet, there could be a safari run where the fans get tranquilized.

Oh, the possibilities are endless.

When the 68-year-old logically and inevitably does run onto Citizens Bank
Park, the Phillies should send out manager Charlie Manuel to chase him. Now that’s entertainment!

Or we could just ignore these idiots and enjoy the best team to be assembled in Philadelphia in history. It was encouraging that the copycat runner Thomas Betz was booed by the fans and has been inundated with negative comments on the Internet.

He ran to try and get some of the media attention that Taser Boy got the night before. That didn’t happen. The Phillies handled it well and the fans let him have it.

Now we in the media have to start ignoring these idiots or they will multiply and cause a distraction that none of us want. Either do that or send out Uncle Charlie with the taser. It’s a tough choice. But my guess is you want the third World Series appearance without the freak show.

LARRY MENDTE writes for The Philly Post every Monday and Thursday. See his video commentaries at wpix.com.