Happy Hour Hookups: Can You Still Pick Someone Up at a Bar?

A couple chats at the bar at Bob & Barbara’s / Photograph by Ed Newton

Let me take you back to a different era in the American Dating Experience.

On July 27, 2000, I walked into a smoke-filled Bob & Barbara’s for happy hour, immediately taking note of two comely women sitting by the jukebox. They were engaged in a lively conversation because smartphones didn’t exist and you had to, you know, talk. I said hello. They smiled and said hello back. And I went into full-blown flirtation mode with one — her name was Suzanne — at which point both women made it clear that they were together. “But you should stick around,” Suzanne told me. “My friend Suchita will be here soon, and I think you’d really like her. And she’s hot!”

Shortly thereafter, Suchita, indeed hot, arrived with some friends. I bought everybody drinks, and, well, 24 years later, Suchita and I have a house and two almost-grown kids together.

The author with his future bride at Bob & Barbara’s in 2000.

I tell this story a lot, and when people under the age of 35 hear it, they seem absolutely perplexed, unaware that it’s possible to meet people at, say, happy hour as opposed to on whatever app people are meeting each other on these days. But is it still possible?

Yes, insist Kate Catinella and Sam Stanton, the founders of the fledgling service Free Dating Advice Philly, which is exactly what it sounds like. Catinella and Stanton tell me there’s palpable “dating app fatigue” these days. Of course, one thing that prevents meeting someone new at a happy hour is that damned phone of yours, and Catinella and Stanton suggest making a conscious effort to keep your phone away — off, even.

If you’re not sure how to make an approach, the age-old method of offering to buy someone a drink is still an easy way to gauge interest. But, say Catinella and Stanton, let the bartender broker the offer.

“A woman might feel more comfortable declining through the bartender instead of directly to your face,” says Catinella. “And however you approach someone for the first time, you have to go into it willing to accept rejection and not make anyone who rejects you feel uncomfortable. Just move on.” Remember, no one is obligated to talk to you just because you’ve bought them a drink, she adds.

Illustration by Kati Lacker

Similarly, says Stanton, don’t ask for someone’s number, as this might exert undue pressure on the person who’s caught your eye. Instead, write down your contact information on a piece of paper and offer it up. Expect nothing. That way you can be delighted when you do get a text a few days later.

“Happy hour can really be such a great venue for meeting someone new,” says Catinella. “It’s very low stakes. But there’s still this wonderful element of discovery.”

“And it’s important to be as relaxed as possible, which will make you seem more open,” Stanton adds. “Go to a bar where you’re already comfortable. Go with a friend but not too many friends, which can seem intimidating to some people. Just go, be open, and see what happens.”

Published as “The Return of Happy Hour Hookups” in the November 2024 issue of Philadelphia magazine.