Sakara Coming To Philly: Now You Can Eat Like A Victoria’s Secret Model

Have you heard of Sakara? If you’re a frequent reader of this blog–so full of pig heads, pork products, tacos, nachos and beer–then probably not.

But still, maybe you’re one of those healthy people who comes here to read about 40-course dinners and french fry taste-tests as a kind of guilty pleasure while resolutely sticking to your daily regimen of wheat berry salads and kale enemas. If so, you probably have heard of Sakara and, as such, will be just over-the-moon excited when I tell you that the super-celebrity healthy and organic meal delivery service beloved by Victoria’s Secret models (and Gwyneth Paltrow and Lena Dunham), once available only to those enlightened souls in New York and Boston, is now getting ready to launch in Philadelphia (and Washington D.C.) starting on October 13.

And it’s not just offering cups of ice, Marlboro Lights and cocaine, either. No, it delivers actual food of the sort eaten by actual supermodels.

That is, if you consider hemp a food.

I don’t, but then I’m a known savage who will gladly eat guinea pigs, goat nipples and entire bags of Lay’s Cheesy Garlic Bread flavored potato chips under the right circumstances (which is to say, a Tuesday). From what I understand, some people out there can look at a plate full of kale, lemons and chia seeds and consider that a meal for something other than a baby unicorn. Even a good meal. For an adult human.

And far be it from me to tell them they’re wrong. According to Sakara, brazil nut, lime and hemp power bars, sunchoke griddlecakes and a portobello burger with sweet potato fries are exactly what someone like Victoria’s Secret model Erin Heatherton eats on a regular basis. Here’s what she looks like:

And here’s what I look like, with my diet of Irish whiskey, tacos and pie:

So make your own judgements.

Anyway, like I said above, Sakara is coming to town. They’re bringing a kind of start-up set of their service with them, meaning you can get 5 days of breakfast, lunch and dinner delivered for $410–pricey for some granola, spring pea gnocchi, kale salad and “Green Goddess Milk,” (eww…), but hey, it’s gluten-free, plant-based, dairy-free, organic, locally-sourced and fully twice as buzzword-intensive as the next underwear-model-approved food delivery system.

You can check out the meal plans, sample menus, delivery logistics and all that other stuff on the Sakara Life website below. And if you’re not convinced, there are plenty of testimonials out there from very thin women famous for being pretty. Oh, and there’s also this which, not for nothing, is a pretty good ad.

Too bad they’re talking about oat bars and hemp pesto. Because real women eat burgers, too.

Sakara Life [Official]