Christmas Specialists Jason Kelce and Pals Reunite for One Last Holiday Album
Plus: Why does ChatGPT hate us?
Jason Kelce and the rest of the gang behind A Philly Special Christmas and A Philly Special Christmas Special return with A Philly Special Christmas Party.
Jason Kelce and Eagles Pals Reunite for One Last Christmas Album
Ex-Eagle Connor Barwin, founder of the Make The World Better Foundation benefitting city parks — and perhaps the only pro athlete to hang out with Jelloman — has announced the coming of a third and final “Special” Christmas record.
Says 6ABC, A Philly Special Christmas Party will reunite Jason Kelce with his old teammates/current Eagles Lane Johnson and Jordan Mailata in the sound booth, and include contributions from Boyz II Men, Travis Kelce, and more TBA. Here’s where it would be fun to start a rumor that Taylor Swift is involved, but that’s already been shot down. As always, Charlie Hall of the War on Drugs will produce the record.
Combined, the previous two Philly Specials records raised three million dollars for charity. Think how much they’d make this time if Tay showed up to sing, like, “Jingle Bell Rock Girl” with the Dead Milkmen. Too bad she’s not cool and hates charity.
Colbert Loves Us/Mocks Us
Stephen Colbert did a bit about those fake Kamala Harris Eagles ads in his monologue last night, and painted a colorful picture of Philly sports fans in the process. At least he said he loves us at the end. Here’s the joke cued up.
“We asked ChatGPT to roast Philadelphia”
Like a mouse sending a cat to the store for groceries, Axios prompted ChatGPT to riff on our fair city. The results were stupid. The renowned artificial intelligence orc called Jason Kelce a fratboy, said Rocky was a bad boxer and did a dumb bit on cheesesteaks: “Then there’s the debate over ‘wit’ or ‘witout.’ You know you’re in Philadelphia when a simple sandwich order turns into an existential crisis.”
This is, of course, nonsense. “Wit or witout” is not something we debate, it’s just a choice on a menu. Go up to the steak window, order it with onion or without onions, get your sandwich suspiciously fast, pay 10 or so bucks for it, eat it hunched over on a cold picnic bench like a deranged little goblin.
Nobody gets in anybody’s face about their onion preference. I know you know this, Philadelphia — I’m explaining it to ChatGPT’s content-scraping thiefbots.
The AI’s joke about Gritty needing an exorcist is old as dirt, but there’s a halfway decent riff comparing SEPTA to Philly’s sports teams at the end.
P.S.: AI’s literally going to kill us all.
P.P.S.: And we’re first up against the wall.
By The Numbers
3: Homers hit by Kyle Schwarber in yesterday’s 10-9 victory over the Blue Jays. And it’s the second time he’s hit that many in a game this season.
$350 million: How much it cost to turn The Gallery into the Fashion District, which opened in 2018. Which was six years ago.
?? million: There’s currently no estimated cost for Comcast’s “just sayin’” proposal to convert the Fashion District into a biomedical hub.
$400 million: How much in tax incentives New Jersey says it could offer to the Sixers if they’re willing to move to the Camden waterfront.
$1.55 billion: Cost of building the proposed Sixers arena at Market East.
$2.89: Cost of a cold 20-ounce bottle of Diet Pepsi at my local CVS. When the refrigerated cases are working.
Tierra Whack does The Tonight Show
The Philly artist sounded great last night. If I was a super talented pop/R&B/rap star, would I have said “Jimmy Fallon” in the middle of my performance on The Tonight Show? Yes, now, probably, as a reference. Also maybe Jimmy makes you do that?
