Gay Sex in the Philly City: Why Are You Flirting With Me If You Have a Boyfriend?

Via Shutterstock

We met at an event and I was drawn to what appeared to be a very warm, very funny, personality. There was some playful words exchanged (hey, a few drinks were involved), and his hands were very touchy and uninhibited. It was honestly cute, and, hey, I don’t mind when a handsome guy wraps his arms around my torso.

We then talked pretty extensively about what we did for a living and then about dating. We even had a rather in-depth conversation about monogamy: He said he was aiming for that and that he was frustrated with several of his friends who were in open relationships.

Phone numbers were exchanged and Facebook was added. It was getting a little late for me as I still had work to complete at home, plus I had to be up early the next morning. I said that I hoped I could hang out with him again soon. His reply wasn’t at all what I was expecting.

“Well, you know, I have a man.”

Oh, do you? That’s convenient information to expose over an hour (and lots of touchy-feely) later.

This is not the first time that this has happened to me. We aren’t talking about open couples who are transparent about emotional or physical intimacy outside of their relationship. These are dudes who straight-up lead me on for prolonged periods of time only to expose the big old “boyfriend” bomb.

I’m not suggesting that those who are dating can’t be flirtatious: As a former co-worker of mine, a 50-some year old with a bad blonde perm and purple lipstick, used to say, “Bryan, I might be married, but I’m not dead.” But what I’m describing seems to beyond just innocent flirting. It’s almost like the person is trying to see just how far he can go before he has to admit, “Oops! I’m taken.”

What’s most interesting to me is when I share these stories with other guys, they all seem to have had similar types of interactions with dudes. I don’t think it’s unique to me at all, which opens up an entire Pandora’s box of questions about transparency and emotional honesty. In short, were you just fake, or would your boyfriend kill you if you knew you had your hand in my lap?

I’ll admit that I left the event feeling pretty bummed. I hate having the wool pulled over my eyes, and I felt like that’s exactly what occurred. We’re all just trying to find some sort of connection. I thought I had some.

Or maybe I did. And maybe he did, too…or not.