This is the World’s Worst Men’s Bathing Suit

From Etsy.com

Last summer, I wrote about the really disturbing trend in men’s swimwear: a half-thong “thing” that seemed to be burning up some of the hottest pools and beaches around the world. Well, I have bad news: I’ve found something that is, by far, significantly worse.

Ladies and gentlemen, meet the knitted item pictured above: a “crochet beach thong,” sold by an Etsy user in Berlin, Germany. This is the point where I have to to reflect and state the obvious: What the actual hell?

To start, how is this thing comfortable in the water? It’s made of cotton, and it goes right up against your man parts. I get itchy just wearing a scarf during the winter: I can’t even imagine how a crocheted item would feel up against other places. It’s “an exclusive design for the cool look in hot summer days,” and “one size fits most men” (!). Also, any bathing suit that looks like it might require an instruction manual to explain how to put it on should be banned.

The scandalizing suit comes in black (to be extra slimming, you know) and costs $33. Don’t worry, Philly: This bad boy can be shipped anywhere in the world! I’ve included a few extra images of the suit below. Just, please, do us all a huge favor: Don’t show up to North Shore Beach Club wearing it.