This Poop Emoji Shirt Is Real, and It Should Not Be a Thing

Back in June, we wrote about our photo director Jess Webster’s shoes. They are dusky blue velvet smoking slippers—a very dapper sort of shoe, one that could be taken quite seriously (I envision them on the feet of some sort of European noble, who wears them while lounging in his library, smoking a cigar and buying small countries). The only thing separating Jess’s pair with the very serious royal pair is the fact that hers are embroidered with the emoji for a smiling pile of poo.

Jess’s shoes got rave reviews on Instagram. People loved them. And I can see why: They’re the perfect combination of luxury and silliness, a shoe that telegraphs the fact that you don’t take yourself too seriously. (It also telegraphs the fact that you have $340 to spend on a pair of whimsical poop shoes. You do you, Jess.)

But now, possibly springboarding off the success of the Edie Parker x Del Toro collaboration that launched the poop shoe (which was one in a collection of other similarly quirky emoji loafers), community-funded fashion company Betabrand is selling a men’s shirt featuring an all-over print of teeny smiling poop piles. Go on, take a look.

This doesn’t work, for a multitude of reasons. First of all, the shirt is ugly. The colors are totally seventies-leisure-suit. But worse, it’s a short-sleeved button-down, which, on anyone, spells disaster. And while the poop emoji loafers are just as weird, they have a luxe quality to them—they’re velvet, made in Italy, and, if it wasn’t for that smiling turd, they’d be a pretty classic investment. The shirt, however, looks cheap and for nearly $80, it’s just not worth the joke. Desperate to sport the look? Go for these instead, if you absolutely must. (But maybe just abandon the idea altogether.)

Now that herringbone hoodie? That we can get behind.