Dear L.A.: Here’s What You Can Expect from Jay Z and Made In America. XOXO, Philly

Photo | Charles Sykes/Invision/AP

Early this week, word leaked that Live Nation and Jay Z were exploring the possibility of bringing the Made in America festival to Los Angeles, sparking a hearty dose of conversation rabble-rabble-rabbling over the prospect of 50,000 people in Deadmau5 heads scurrying all over the city’s revitalized downtown.

L.A. mayor Eric Garcetti’s office seems stoked on the possibility of the two-day concert, which, if it happens, will reportedly run in tandem with Philly’s event over Labor Day weekend this year. The director of Grand Park, which would serve as MiALA’s home base, described Hova’s involvement as “pretty rad.” (Aw, California.) But the proposal has earned the ire of city councilman Jose Huizar, who’s raised formal concerns about all the issues that arise when you deliberately invite a bunch of people who like molly to the same place at the same time.

All kidding aside, the fact that MiA targeted Philly in the first place is a big civic compliment, and there are numerous positives to consider. In its two years, the public opinion surrounding MiA has shifted significantly — many who cried surefire shitshow from the beginning came out impressed by the fest’s execution, not to mention the economic booster shot and six-figure sum ticket sales raised for charity (the United Way, last year). But an event of this magnitude also has its problems, and now that we’ve got two in the books and Bud has said it wants to host the fest here for the foreseeable future, we’re well-qualified to discuss them.

Here’s a small sampling of what Angelenos should expect if we become music festival eskimo brothers.

– It’s going to cost your city a significant amount of money, which will hopefully be offset by the organizers.

– Get ready for all the requisite parking, trash, noise, and swarming horde issues that are such a joy for near neighbors. (These are usually combated with the timeless “Suck it, you live in a city!” retort, delivered by a guy in an Imagine Dragons tank top who’s using his Vans as a pillow on your front steps.)

– Shut-down streets as far as the Macklemore-loving eye can see.

– Ridiculously expensive Budweiser — and only Budweiser, obviously — available to concertgoers. But don’t worry, it comes in cool collectors’ cans! Gotta crush ’em all.

– Beyoncé! Not sure if she’s actually going to be at yours, I just mean in general.

– A general lack of bathrooms, also just in general.

– Little to no sincere integration with surrounding local attractions and businesses that exist outside MiA’s fenced-in fiefdom.

– Speaking of the fiefdom — they’ll likely carry over Philly’s strict re-entry rules to L.A., meaning once you’re in, you’re in for the day. Get up on the Lord of the Flies audiobook beforehand so you know what to do.

– Approximately 80 percent of the crowd will be wearing a summer-cute variation on the outfits from American Gladiators.

– Fascist rules banning glowsticks. Sorry, but I have no advice on how one expresses oneself without the aid of glowsticks.

– Regardless of whether or not his band plays, Josh Homme from Queens of the Stone Age is going to hate it, you and life forever.

Follow @DrewLazor on Twitter.