Is There Too Much Sex in Your Marriage?

Dear Monica, My husband bought himself a mid-life crisis toy and it is killing me. No, he did not buy a motorcycle. He discovered Viagra. I do not know if I can keep up with him or even want to. Why do men think that they need these pharmaceutical Casanova pills? —G. K., Villanova

It is nice to know that your husband enjoys being intimate with you so much that he wants to enhance the experience. On the other hand, how much enhancing are you really looking for as the years progress? You have to ask yourself if he is taking the drug for himself or for you. Men often equate their masculinity with their ability to perform. Sometimes ED drugs can help them along the way towards fulfilling their manly potential.

You need to make sure he does not end up feeling dependent on his Viagra in order to perform. Here are some considerations when deciding whether Viagra makes sense for you as a couple, as opposed to being a one-sided mid-life sexual ego boost.

• Many women feel that the hot sex men are seeking while on Viagra is not about the women and fulfilling their needs, but rather it becomes about the drug and how studly it makes men feel. Is he really into you or just into the fact that he’s performing like he’s young again?
• How many women in their 40s (and up) want to be married to someone who’s going to go at it for two hours straight? Don’t ya think 20 minutes would suffice? After all, we aren’t talking about Olympic tryouts here.
• Men who are hooked on Viagra and similar drugs pop the pills for one of two reasons: Either they truly have ED or they are trying to hold onto their youth. How many older women really pine to be with a middle-aged man acting like a 20-year-old? Do you really want to see him ready for action 10 minutes after the last round?
• Since men taking Viagra ought not drink, he will be left solely with his natural born charms in his attempts to woo you. The good news for  ladies? His use of performance-enhancing drugs surely won’t prevent you from having a drink!
• It’s one thing to have a Viagra weekend with your wife and quite another to take it regularly. One of the fears women have when their man is taking Viagra as part of his routine is where his heightened libido will lead him. Will you be enough to satisfy all his new found romantic urges? Make sure his virility doesn’t go to his head  (the one between his ears).

If there is a medical issue, ED drugs are certainly a reasonable option. In the case of men needing to act like young studs, maybe a sports car is a less intrusive alternative. The male gender needs to understand that doing it all night is not what women long for. Aging is not a bad thing. As long as your man can keep his motor running for one lap around the track, that should be enough. Really, how many times do you want to cut a shvitz? It’s nice to revisit 20-something sex every now and then, but certainly not on a regular basis.

Monica Mandell, Ph.D. is the Director of the Philadelphia office of Selective Search, the premiere (off-line) upscale matchmaking firm for the most eligible singles.
Please send your questions to: monica@selectivesearch.com