Silicon Valley Actor Zach Woods Incoherently Bashes Philadelphia

Zach Woods | Photo by Richard Shotwell/AP

So, some guy from Bucks County made a lame Philadelphia-themed joke about … you guessed it, sports fans and Santa Claus! … on Marc Maron’s WTF podcast this week.

Oh, and he didn’t even tell the joke right.

Yardley native Zach Woods, who stars in HBO’s Silicon Valley, said, “I remember when I was growing up, Santa Claus would skate onto the ice around Christmastime at Flyers games, and people would throw batteries at Santa Claus.”

When Maron asked, “Why batteries? Why specifically at Santa?” Woods offered a possible explanation: “Maybe it’s just like, well, there’s an embodiment of pure childhood joy … destroy it, destroy it like it was destroyed in us.”

You call yourself a comedian and your go-to joke about Philly is about that time in the 1960s when we harassed Santa? Weak, Woods, weak. You’re about as funny as The New York Times. Also, we’d never throw batteries at Santa. Only snowballs!

In 1968, angry Philadelphia Eagles fans booed and chucked snowballs at Santa. We’ll let our, um, former Mayor and Gov. Ed Rendell explain why, since he was there:

“It was the last game of the year. It was right before Christmas. It was in Franklin Field, our old stadium. The Eagles had won two games that year so the fans were just pissed off in general,” said Rendell. “And then the regular Santa Claus that they were going to use for this half-time show got sick. So they went into the stands to find guys in Santa Claus suits and see if they’d volunteer. And the only guy they found was this scrawny-looking, dirty-suit guy.”

Rendell, like many others in the crowd, was less than impressed. “He was the worst-looking Santa Claus I ever saw,” he said. “They put him up on the sled, I guess they must have paid him something, and carted him around. And everyone, myself included, threw snowballs at Santa.”

In the past, Phillies fans also have thrown batteries at our own players as well as others. Woods apparently got the incidents confused. (Rendell was famously involved in another football/snowball-throwing incident, though that one targeted Cowboys, not Santa.)

Woods also said of Philly, “I never got into it, weirdly. I don’t know what it is. I always found it a little depressing.” Here’s the entire transcription of Woods and Maron’s discussion about the city, just in case you’re in the mood to rage:

Maron: Philly, I like Philadelphia.

Woods: Yeah, I never got into it, weirdly. I don’t know what it was. I always found it a little depressing, but …

Maron: Well, it is depressing.

Woods: It’s depressing, right?

Maron: I think Pennsylvania in general is a little dark. I was just talking about that on the show recently. Cause I’ve been there. I went to Pittsburgh, I was in Philly. It’s heavy, man.

Woods: It feels like as a state, it’s on the downslope of its existence. Like its best days are behind it.

Maron: Maybe. Well, they’re trying to sort of … like Philly, like that … the renovation and stuff downtown. It’s sort of worked.

Woods: They’re trying.

Maron: It feels vital, but it just feels like there’s a dark and, you know, post-industrial vibe.

Woods: It’s also, Philadelphia is a kind of a racist city and their sports … I’m not like a big sports guy, but I remember when I was growing up, Santa Claus would skate onto the ice around Christmastime at Flyers games, and people would throw batteries at Santa Claus.

Maron: That’s not racist, that’s just weird anti-Santa shit.

Woods: Yeah.

Maron: That’s just fucked up.

Woods: Yeah, it’s so weird cause also batteries, like you could throw drinks or things that they have at the stadium, but batteries are premeditated … like you had to bring a battery from home.

Maron: Why did … I don’t make sense of it.

Woods: I don’t know.

Maron: Why batteries? Why specifically at Santa?

Woods: It’s a complicated combination of elements. I think maybe …

Maron: I would say.

Woods: Maybe it’s just like, well, there’s an embodiment of pure childhood joy that …

Maron: Yeah, kill it.

Woods: Destroy it, destroy it like it was destroyed in us.

Maron: There’s no room for that anymore … yeah, maybe that is it.

Woods: There’s parts of Philly that are really nice.